Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
