just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
