I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
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He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
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jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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