take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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