I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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