JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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