apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
