"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I need moral support for this bender
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
