Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You're like the curious george of whores
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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