AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i love accidental penises.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
