When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize