some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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