Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
