so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
