what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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