Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
