i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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