I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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