they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I was not drunk enough for that final.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
