you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
