I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
