i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
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...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
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She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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