You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
