I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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