hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
