Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
