Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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