He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
the condom got lost in my hair
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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