Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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