if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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