before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
