I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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