Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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