the condom got lost in my hair
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
