I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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