I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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