Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
