Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
