you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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