It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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