so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
