I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
