i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
