Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
