And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
