We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
