he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
