how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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