Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
