I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
