M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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