So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
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We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
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I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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