i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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