Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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