girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
