the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
