We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
