saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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