Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
