How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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